Clean Jokes..

Jim: Joe, I hear you just got married again.
Joe: Yes, for the fourth time.
Jim: What happened to your first three wives?
Joe: They all died, Jim.
Jim: How did that happen?
Joe: My first wife ate poison mushrooms.
Jim: How terrible! And your second?
Joe: She ate poison mushrooms.
Jim: And your third ate poison mushrooms too?
Joe: Oh, no. She died of a broken neck.
Jim: I see, an accident.
Joe: Not exactly. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.

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A woman is getting a sentimental feeling while watching a beautiful love scene in a movie. Her husband leans over and whispers those three little words that are on his mind:

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"Pass the popcorn."




What did God say after she made Eve?

"Practice makes perfect."

Funny Questions and Answers

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!

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Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

A. No time at all it is already built.

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Q. Approximately how many birthdays does the average Japanese woman have?

A. Just one. All the others are anniversaries.

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Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands.

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Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.

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Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?

A. He sleeps at night.

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Q. Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today?

A: Because he is dead.

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Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

A: It becomes wet.

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Q. What often falls but never gets hurt?

A : Rain

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Q. What is that no man ever saw which never was but always will be?

A : TOMORROW

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Q. What looks like half apple?

A : The other half.

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Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?

A : Dinner.

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Q. What gets wet with drying?

A : A towel

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Q. What 3 letters change a girl into a woman?

A : AGE.

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Q. What happened when wheel was invented?

A : It caused a revolution.

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Q. Why is it easy to weigh a fish?

A : Because it has its own scales.

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Q. Why does a bike rest on its leg?

A : Because it is too tyred.

Marriage One Liner.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Married man live longer than a single man, but married man are lot more willing to die!

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Any married man should forget his mistakes because there is no use in remembering two people the same thing.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all !

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Marriage puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

Getting married is similar to going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

Marriage is a romantic story, in which hero dies in the first chapter."

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

Love is holding hands in the street. Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

In love you go to bed early. After marriage, you go to sleep early.